Winter Blues

This second pregnancy renders me a total wreck. I'm pregnant in winter and the cabin fever is ridiculous. How can such happy news submit me to emotional imbalance? My hormones are all over the place and more often than not, everything and nothing makes me cry. From ubiquitous articles from social media to feeling totally ugly. Everyday, crying spells.

When I was pregnant with Maksim, it was Spring of 2011. New beginnings, new season, the drab of winter was fading and onto greener pastures. I was happy, motivated, stylish, and had that pregnancy glow. Now, I'm stuck at home, lethargic, sad, moody, nauseated, puking, no makeup, and my attire has been reduced to pajamas. Unmotivated, uninspired, and feeling worthless, feeling dirty. It's been three days since I washed my hair and as dirty as it is, I don't even give a flying...

This morning hit me hard when there was brown discharge after I wiped. It sent me to a panic. At 5 in the morning, a call was placed to the on call doctor. She said it was fine. I should worry if it's bright red and blood flow gets heavier. The good news is that the discharge disappeared, but I'm at my highest emotional state.

On the bright side, Maksim is feeling better and back to his usual energetic self. I just didn't have the energy to be patient with him. I succeeded, but the guilt of being annoyed at things taking five times as long got to me because all I wanted to do was to scream and shout and let it all out.

Husband has been wonderful and supportive. My father-in-law also helps with Maksim. I'm grateful, but likewise feel like a deadbeat since I'm just laying around while they do all the work. I wish I could be like those super energetic fit pregnant women in Instagram. But right now, I just want to punch them all in the face.